Me: So Britney, what have you been doing lately?

BS: I'm on tour. Tour. That's a funny word. I wonder if it's French.

Me: Uh-huh. Okay. Anyway, what do you have to say to people who think you're a bad role model?

BS: I'm a musican, not a role model.

Me: Do you play any music?

BS: No.

Me: Okay. What do you have to say to people who think that you're not a musician because you don't play music?

BS: I'm not their mother.

Me: I didn't say-

BS: These kids have their own parents! Those are the people who should give them... that thing where you do the right stuff...

Me: Morality?

BS: Yeah! That! People are always saying I'm unmoral because I show my belly button. It's my right as a girl to do that. It makes me feel powerful. I want to fight against people who hate belly buttons. Like, on I Dream Of Jeannie... they didn't want whats-her-name to show her belly button on TV.

Me: Barbara Eden.

BS: Like the Garden of Eden? I know that one. I think there was a battle there.

Me: It's from the Bible actually. I've heard that you're very religious.

BS: Oh yes. Jesus is why I'm here.

Me: I think you just made some converts to Judaism.

BS: I don't know about that kind of thing. All I know is that I'm just a typical teenage girl with a girl next door appeal who loves her mom and Jesus. At least that's what the nice people at the record label told me.

Me: Do you feel controlled by the label?

BS: You know, one time I was scared that I was. I had a nightmare where the guy who tells me stuff was really an alien. After that I was suspicious. Then later he told me he wasn't an alien. I believed him. He's not green or nothing, so I figure he's not an alien.

Me: Rumors have spread about your relationship with Justin Timberlake of N Sync. How do you feel about that?

BS: I think it's okay because we're dating, but not too okay because it's nobody's business. The label was scared that this would somehow affect the demo... demograph somethin'. They thought girls who liked Justin might not like him so much or not like me so much neither.

Me: Have you found that to be a valid fear?

BS: Do you think I should make my hair really blonde? Because it's like, sorta blonde... but not as blonde as it could be. Sometimes I think I'm not living up to my blonde potential.

Me: I think you're doing fine in that department. All right. Back to what I was originally talking about, many people think that you give young girls the wrong ideals. As a public figure, shouldn't you take some responsibility?

BS: It's not MY responsibility at all! Public figures don't owe it to the public to be good role models. Remember our last president? George Clinton was not exactly a great role model and he was the PRESIDENT!

Me: But do six year old girls want to emulate Bill Clinton?

BS: Why would they want to do that?

Me: I don't think they would.

BS: Can the interview be done now? I'm going to go write a new song that I just got an idea for. It's called "I'm Not George Clinton."

Me: Uhh... good luck with that.

BS: Thanks! Good luck writing your article. Try not to make me sound too stupid!

Me: Don't worry. I won't have to try.

5/30/01