faux interview: pink

    It seems that Pink is everywhere these days. Practically every magazine has interviewed her since the release of her second album. Frankly, I was becoming sick of seeing her. I thought that maybe, if I interviewed her myself, I could grow to tolerate this latest case of overexposure. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Pink is a young woman who isn’t afraid to break down walls. I thought she was musically confused, but it turns out that she simply wants to break down walls. Now that she’s broken down so many walls, she plans on finding other walls, which she will also break down.

    Me: Hi. First of all, congratulations on all your recent success. Your second album, M!ssundaztood, is doing well.

    Pink: Yeah, it’s great.

    Me: From what I’ve gathered, it’s quite different from your last album.

    Pink: I want to break down walls. Everyone in the industry wants you to be one thing. They want to place restrictions on you. They saw me as a rapper, but I’m more than just that. I’ve been in punk bands. I’ve sung in a Gospel choir.

    Me: Wow. A rap-punk-Gospel singer. That’s unusual. SPIN magazine also calls you a headbanger, a grunge brat, and a club kid. What’s with all the conflicting labels?

    Pink: I hate labels. I want to break down walls. Everyone in the industry wants you to be one thing, but I’m a lot of things, you know?

    Me: Should I be expecting folk songs on your next album? Maybe some country music?

    Pink: You never know. I want to break down walls. If someday I want to sing folk songs, I’ll break that wall down when I come to it.

    Me: You’re often described as feisty and tough. Maybe even a little scary. Do you ever want to soften your image?

    Pink: Oh God, no. I would never be a girly girl. That’s not me at all.

    Me: Really? Because right now you’re like Gwyneth Paltrow at the 2002 Oscars, and I really think it would be nice to see you as Gwyneth Paltrow at the 1998 Oscars. Don’t you want to look like Gwyneth?

    Pink: No.

    Me: Well, why the hell not?

    Pink: I just want to be me. I’m very comfortable with myself.

    Me: Is that why you sing about how you "wanna be somebody else" in your new single?

    Pink: Well, that’s just it. I’m a walking contradiction. I have tons of confidence and I’m really true to myself, but there are also times when I get fed up with myself. I’m secure and insecure at the same time.

    Me: Have you ever considered the possibility that you suffer from dissociative identity disorder? It could explain why you keep changing your image and music.

    Pink: I think it’s pretty normal. People have their ups and downs.

    Me: No, they really don’t. You’re either happy or sad. There’s no gray area. You’re either a punk or a pop diva. You can’t be both.

    Pink: Nobody’s happy with themselves all the time.

    Me: Yes they are. It’s just you who has this problem. You’re completely alone.

    Pink: Fans come up to me all the time and tell me how much they understand what I’m saying. They feel the same way.

    Me: They might tell you that, but it’s only out of pity because they recognize the isolation you must feel as the only person in the world who feels conflicted.

    Pink: All right. Whatever. I’m sick of talking about it. Let’s just move on to another question.

    Me: Sure. I can do that.

    Pink: Okay. Good.

    Me: How do you deal with the isolation you must feel as the only person in the world who feels conflicted?

    Pink: Please stop (edited for content) with me. I’m (edited for content) tired of this. Let’s move on to the next (edited for content) question or I’ll (edited for content) leave this (edited for content) room right now.

    Me: No problem. Here’s my next question. I think you’ll like it: Do you want to break down walls?

    Pink: Yes! I want to break down walls. The record industry wants me to fit in a little box. I want to knock down the walls of that box.

    Me: Do you think Britney Spears lives inside that box?

    Pink: Yes, I do. I think a lot of the music on the radio today comes from people who are afraid to break down walls.

    Me: Is that why you’re "tired of being compared to damn Britney Spears?"

    Pink: Yeah. All of us girls got clumped together and put in a box. I’m not anything like Britney Spears, but we somehow got put in the same box.

    Me: Was Britney upset that you damned her?

    Pink: Nah, she wasn’t upset. I’ve heard that my latest CD is her favorite right now. I didn't mean the lyric to be a dis.

    Me: So… it was a compliment?

    Pink: Sort of. Britney is the sweetest, nicest person in this business. She’s just so pretty and nice. I’m a lot tougher, and I’m not pretty like her.

    Me: You could be if you dressed a little more like Gwyneth Paltrow circa 1998.  

    Pink:

    Me: Uh, anyway, are you saying that you like Britney?

    Pink: Yeah. She’s super sweet.

    Me: She’s just afraid to knock down walls.

    Pink: Exactly.

    Me: And afraid to make good music.

    Pink: Well…

    Me: And afraid to say anything intelligent.

    Pink: I like breaking down walls.

    Me: You do? I hadn’t noticed.

    Pink: The record company wants me to—

    Me: Ya know what? I forgot about a meeting that I have to be at. It’s really important. I have to go. It’s been great talking to you though. Good luck with the wall thing.

    4/10/02

     

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