Me: Let's just jump right in. You've been very busy this summer. What've you been up to?

DL: Mostly TV gigs. A lot of the networks have been using my ideas. Spy TV, Murder In Small Town X, and Big Brother 2 are my doing.

Me: So that was you!

DL: Guilty as charged.

Me: You've always been a regular on the Hollywood scene. What've you been doing recently?

DL: Well, I dabble in this and that. I'm already planning Jurassic Park IV. I'd like to get Rick Morranis to star.

Me: You've grown quite a following throughout the years. How do you feel about your fans?

DL: They're great. I wouldn't be here without them. The only beef I have with them is that most of them limit their wardrobes to black. I never said anything about only wearing dark colors! I love pastels. Pastels are underappreciated.

Me: I agree. By the way, that lavender cape really brings out your eyes.

DL: You think? Because I was afraid it would clash with these shoes.

Me: Oh no. I've never seen you look better.

DL: Thanks. My stylist will be thrilled.

Me: Okay. I know you must get this all the time, but when is this teen music thing going to be over?

DL: I think that bubblegum pop has a lot more to give. Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, N Sync, The Backstreet Boys... they're an amazing group of kids. I choreographed N Sync's Bye Bye Bye video, you know. It was a real treat.

Me: What's going to be the next big thing in the music world?

DL: For a while I'd considered polka. But maybe some kind of pop/punk/polka hybrid. Perhaps with a little techno thrown in to spice it up. There's just so much you can do. I've done a lot of work with country artists throughout the years. I'd like to bring more country into mainstream radio. Maybe mix it with rap. Cowboy-Homeboy.

Me: What about the goth rockers who idolize you?

DL: We talk. We're friendly, but I don't like being in the studio with them. For one thing, they don't share my vision in a lot of respects. They're happy to be pale and dressed all in black and have green spiked hair. That's just not what I'm about. I don't want to scare people in that way. I think happiness is much scarier. Britney Spears scares more people than Marilyn Manson could ever dream of.

Me: You seem pretty easygoing. Has the media been unfair in its portrayal of you?

DL: Sometimes. I mean, yes I cause death and destruction. I also keep a dream journal. Does anyone care about that? No. They're all hung up on the death and destruction thing.

Me: If you could give one piece of advice to the world, what would it be?

DL: You can't allow other people to affect you. Be yourself. Those simple words have gotten me to this point. I'm evil. That's who I am. Instead of listening to people tell me that evil wasn't any good, I was true to myself and am now considered the most evil of all beings. I'd still be working as a gardener in Eden if I didn't follow my heart.

Me: We only have time for one more question. I know you have to go be a guest host on Talk Soup. You've witnessed millions of years of history. What moment in time stands out the most?

DL: (laughing) There've been so many! I'd have to say that what jumps out at me first is this wild party my buddy Jeremiah was having in 45 A.D. I was so drunk! Everyone was having a great time and I hooked up with this beautiful shepherd's daughter. I won't go into detail, but let's just say I'll never forget that party.

Me: That's beautiful.

DL: Yeah, although there were a few parties in the late 15th century that rivaled that one. I'll save those for another time.

Me: Well, thanks for taking the time to talk with me. Hopefully I won't be seeing you in Hell.

8/16/01